However, she freezes up when she thinks about having to make small talk with strangers or people she knows only slightly. Her role requires her to attend networking meetings and to build her circle of contacts.
The key for Sharon and everyone else who dreads networking is this: Ask good questions that get the other person talking about themselves. And make sure they are not questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no.”
In truth, we all like to talk about ourselves. We like to brag about our kids or tell a humorous story about what Fido did. We certainly share stories about our travel nightmares or the weather.
So, try out some of these the next time you’re facing the networking nightmare.
Remember: The key is to ask a good question that keeps them talking about themselves and lets you be the listener.
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Do you think this management team served its employees well?
Our son does what I call in-house customer service for a telecommunications company. Last week the powers that be called the staff together to tell them what was coming up this week. (We like it when people set clear expectations.)
Due to several factors, management portrayed this week as Hell Week (my words).They let staff know that this week was going to be extremely busy and that people would feel the pressure.
They set an expectation that this week was going to be totally miserable. Our son bought into the expectation. He even advised us that he would be under extreme pressure and might not be his usual jolly self.
I give management good marks for letting people know that it would be rough this week. However, couldn’t they have tempered that warning somewhat, so it wouldn’t be so dire? Or maybe they tried and our son didn’t hear it.
We get what we look for in this world. If we expect stress and problems, that’s what we find. If we expect good things, we manage to find those, too.
Our thoughts and expectations—what’s between our ears—are the only things we can control. What thoughts are you programming yourself with today?
P.S.: I just asked him how Monday went. “It wasn’t bad. Much better than what I expected.”
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I was supposed to walk away from the presentation understanding what his business does and what his business model is. Didn’t happen.
When we write or talk to others about our business, we talk from what we know and understand. We throw in technical terms and acronyms. We assume our reader or listener follows us.
Doesn’t happen.
When crafting a message, written or oral, you have to think about your reader. Ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly.
Spend some time answering these questions before you even start to write anything. Your audience will be glad you did.
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It was a painful conversation to witness. I was meeting with Jennifer and Patrick. They are partners in a small professional service firm. We were discussing things that the business needed and trying to prioritize those needs.
Patrick was quite adamant that the accounting system needed to be overhauled. Now.
Jennifer was concerned that the firm needed to be developing its junior staff. Then she started thinking about more concerns.
“In addition to accounting and training, I’ve been concerned that we may be behind on our policies and procedures manuals,” Jennifer said.
Then she added: “What about that new product line we’ve planned? And then there’s . . .”
Patrick blew up. “You’re doing it again. You’re throwing more issues on the table than we can possibly deal with. We agreed to focus on one. And it’s the accounting system. And it needs to be done NOW.”
That’s when I had to step in.
Patrick is one of those folks who can focus intensely on one topic and deal with it right away. He wants closure. Jennifer is one of those folks who needs to explore lots of options before she decides anything.
What do you do when you find yourself in their situation?
You first, before you even start the conversation, state what outcome you want from the discussion.
Then you set a timeframe for the discussion. Patrick could do it in 2 minutes. Jennifer might want to take 2 hours. You agree on a compromise that gives Jennifer her “and another thing” time. And you agree that you will make a decision at the end of that compromise time.
It’s not perfect but Jennifer gets to do her thing and Patrick knows he will get a decision when they’re done.
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I recently spent some time at Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta. Piedmont is a great facility and is always ranked among the top hospitals in the country.
The staff is exceptional. They always have a good attitude and are focused on helping their patients get well. I’ve been at Piedmont before, so I expected such high caliber service.
And, since I’ve been there before, I also expected the usual crappy, flavorless hospital food that I’ve experienced in the past.
But not this time.
Piedmont offers room service for all meals, where you get to pick what you want and when you want it. The menu has great variety, from peanut butter sandwiches to chicken kiev. If you want three desserts, you can have those, too.
You call your order in and, within a reasonable time, a room service waiter, in full room service dress, delivers your food to your bedside table.
And it actually has some flavor.
Talk about creating new expectations for your customers. What new expectations are you creating for your customers?
]]>I had promised readers that I would post weekly mini case studies on how to manage people and on communications. I was very good at sticking to that schedule for more than a year.
Then the economy tanked, and my engineering buddies were hurting. And I became less rigorous about delivering those case studies.
But I’m back. After that friendly kick in the pants, I recommitted to posting something weekly. As we all know, one should “underpromise and overdeliver.”
I will close with this quick communication tip: Put yourself in the mind of your reader/listener. The other day, my husband was going to take a pill in our bathroom. I was in my office and asked him to bring me the yellow tablet next to my computer in the bedroom.
Sure enough, he did. Only he brought the yellow vitamin tablet I had left there. I was asking for the yellow writing tablet. He was thinking pills, I was thinking pens. So much for clear communication.
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Yesterday I was coaching a young woman (read “half my age”), and we were brainstorming ways to get her staff to take ownership of their work. We were exploring how to create a sense of urgency for them. (I hear this a lot from owners.)
We talked about playing some game with a timer—this is for an off-site retreat. We thought of Pictionary or maybe Charades. These didn’t excite me, but I know my kids liked Pictionary.
I thought back to games where I felt most pressured to win before time ran out. My mind went back to video games like Pac Man and Centipede.
They created that adrenalin rush that you had to move fast and smart or you would get eaten or whatever. (I was always an observer.)
She was aware of Pac Man, but had never heard of some of the others. She did not grow up in this country. Score 1 for “cultural differences.”
Then I got excited, remembering playing pre-video games, sometimes in drinking establishments. “We need a pinball machine!”
She looked at me with that “what are you talking about” look.
“Pinball, you know,” I said, reliving old memories, pantomiming pulling back the launcher and working the flippers. Still a blank look.
“Certainly you know of the rock opera ‘Tommy?’ Blind kid who’s a pinball wizard. . .”
Still a blank look. I was struggling here. Score 2 for “cultural differences.”
“Well, you do know who The Who is, don’t you?” I asked, looking for some shred of a way to relate.
“The Who. Yes, I know them.” Thank heavens!
Needless to say, my case for a pinball machine didn’t land on this young woman. They didn’t have pinball machines in her country. And she hadn’t taken a college course on great rock operas from the 1970s.
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Ban the use of the word “but.”
For example, you’re in a team meeting and people are evaluating whether to open another office location. Paul says, “We’ve got a client in the area. It makes sense to set up an office there to give us a local presence.”
Natalie replies: “But that’s going to cost us for office space and all that.”
The “but” immediately discredits Paul’s idea. What if Natalie had just dropped the “but” and said, “That’s going to cost us for office space and all that.”
See what happens? The critical tone is gone. She is just stating a fact, rather than implying an opinion.
That leaves room for the conversation to continue.
Some people suggest using the word “and” where you would typically say “but.”
For example, “I would really like to see that movie, but tonight isn’t going to work for me.” What happens when you change it to “I would really like to see that movie, and tonight isn’t going to work for me.”
It’s weird and it’s awkward. But (I know) the awkwardness of it will make you realize how often you use the word “but.” Give it a try.
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I found this message this morning:
“I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. I truly enjoyed your class last night and have already used the ‘Help me understand’ and ‘How can I help?’ tactics. No surprise, they worked! Thanks.”
For those who weren’t with us yesterday, here are some communication tools to always keep in your back pocket.
“Tell me more“–for when you didn’t understand or quite get what someone said. It keeps them talking and gives you time to listen for more information. Say this instead of asking a slew of questions that show you didn’t understand what the person said. Save yourself the embarrassment.
“Help me understand“–similar purpose. It may prod the other person to give you more in-depth information or to explain the logic behind their ideas or decisions.
“How can I help?” People like to help other people–it is part of what makes us different from other creatures. It gives you a chance to do a small favor for someone, and, in all likelihood, they will return that favor.
Armed with just those tools, you will grow in your ability to keep a conversation going, to understand what others need or want, and to gather the data you need to help your client.
So, how can you help me? Forward this blog post to friends who could also benefit from having these tools. And be sure to let me know how I can help you.
Have a great day.
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You remember when you were in college. The professors had certain hours that they committed to being in their office and available for you to stop by. If you needed to talk to a professor, your best chance came during his office hours.
Now company execs are setting office hours for when they will be available for employees and office hours for when they are available for their customers.
The topic is hot enough that Harvard Business Review featured it in a guest blog by Bill Taylor, cofounder of Fast Company magazine.
Jason Fried, founder of Chicago productivity software firm 37 signals, is available for two hours on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. He sits in his office and takes calls from customers.
One person asked him how he handled the crush of calls. Fried replied that he took the calls as they came in and didn’t rely on call waiting.
Seems simple enough.
How old is this “new” idea?
George Goethals was one of the chief engineers on the Panama Canal, which opened in 1914. Supposedly, each Sunday Goethals would meet with anyone involved with the construction of the canal. He would sometimes see upwards of 100 people in a day.
As a footnote, the Canal was finished more than a year ahead of its target date. Let’s hear it for open communication.
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